I expected Jon and I would be together for our second anniversary, but I never expected that we would be spending it in a hospital for a bone marrow donation.
So as I write this blog post Jon is two hours into his four hour donation process. This is just enough time to allow me to reflect on our marriage and what we are learning, and expectation plays a huge role in our marriage.
When you think of expectation maybe what comes to mind is what you wish your spouse would do to clean the house, or how they should love you. But for us expectation means we expect that we will be married till the day we leave this earth. Jon and I have spent some time reflecting on marriage. This conversation usually takes place right before we fall asleep (the hour where I get highly philosophical.) In the last year we've seen some devastation in marriages around us. I asked Jon "What keeps us together?" Jon spoke into the darkness "We keep seeing each other in our future plans. Tomorrow you're there, next year, you're there, and on, and on, and on, we are together." We don't envision our tomorrow without each other. Our expectation creates a reality that we are for us, for better or for worse. Our expectation reminds us why we are married.
There is a couple that are both Jon and I's best friends, and one that I deeply look up to. When I was single they showed me what a married life was like. They were open, and honest, loving, and kind. They had a baby recently, and I have loved gleaning wisdom from them. Being with them isn't like being at a marriage conference, or a seminar. We also spend a lot of time with my sister and her husband (the joys of our husbands being best friends since they were seven!) Even the smallest thing like a board game night, or having a family group chat to send memes to brightens our day. That is community. We've gotten to pray together, laugh together, and share our lives. I know Jon and I wouldn't have such a healthy marriage without close friends and family.
3. Shared activities
Pulling weeds, trimming hedges, and pruning the rose bushes. You might be thinking: Amy...that's not fun. But hear us out, it's something we like to do together, and together is key. Sometimes we talk together while we do this, but other times we silently work next to each other. Working together towards a goal is so rewarding.
One of the biggest hurdles we had to navigate this year is: I am a dream factory, and Jon is from camp logistician. When you're a dreamer you don't specialize in building costs. When you're a logical thinker that's the first thing your brain tends to head towards. I would get so excited and explain this big vision to Jon, only to feel deflated about how it wouldn't happen due to x, y and z not being possible. If you're a dreamer married to a logistician take heart. I learned to communicate to Jon "Hey this is the idea I have. If money was not an option, how could we make this happen?" All I want is to have someone dream with me. Half the time I'm not even all in to what I'm proposing (again idea factory, these things just keep coming) but some of my favorite conversations have been when we were dreaming together without limitations. It's kind of like a mind vacation. Once we are done dreaming we are transported back to our reality and I'm good with that.
We are only two years in, but it feels like so much more. We trust each other more, and find more things to laugh about. We look forward to year after year of much more of the same.